[ music ]
[ thunder ]
[ man laughing ]
[ hard rock music playing ]
♪ ha ha ha ha ha! ♪
♪ Strut your stuff and meet your doom ♪
♪ Top gang in all the school ♪
♪ Today's the day you're gonna pay ♪
♪ I'll show you I ain't no fool ♪
Man on loudspeaker: Contestants and spectators
are reminded that the track meet
will begin in 15 minutes.
Contestants should be preparing and suiting up
in the locker room number 4.
Spectators are invited to proceed to the track and field area.
[ song continues ]
♪ I don't enjoy your games and tricks ♪
♪ Made you laugh and made me sick ♪
♪ Today's the day you're gonna pay ♪
♪ I don't know, take your pick ♪
Come on. Come on. You want to do it, don't you?
Are you kidding? Sure I do.
You know, Marty--game for anything.
You have done it before, haven't you?
What do you think you've got here, some little virgin?
Me, I'm a sex machine.
Grr!
She's got him hooked. It's working.
All right! Let's go!
[ music ]
[ song continues ]
Singer: Okay. That's you!
Ha ha!
April Fools' day!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
[ song continues ]
I can't go in there.
Sure you can.
The track meet's just starting.
Who's gonna see us?
Some other time.
Oh. Come on, now.
Loverboy's not frightened, is he?
What would all the guys think?
It's not that, Carol.
It's just I don't want you to get into trouble.
Oh. Come on.
Come on.
Come on. That's it.
(whispering) Come on.
[ music ]
You get undressed in there...
What about you, Carol?
Where are you--
Where am I what?
Where are you gonna...
[ stammers ]
Now, listen.
No-Nobody's gonna hear about this from me, now.
[ giggles ]
That doesn't mean--
I mean, if you wanna tell some of your friends,
that's fine by me.
Don't worry. They'll find out All about Marty Rantzen.
Now get in there.
You got it.
By the way, just one thing.
What's that?
You won't forget to take your hands out of your pockets?
[ laughing ]
Shh!
[ girl laughing ]
Shh!
[ knock on door ]
Quick! Get in there!
Oh, my god. Don't panic.
Keep calm.
[ music ]
Hi, Susan.
Are you coming to the meet?
Oh, no.
Those sports jocks bore me.
But Frank's doing the javelin. Aren't you gonna watch it?
Carol: Do me a favor, would you?
Susan: Hey, no big deal! I'll be seeing you!
Bye.
[ giggling ]
[ shower hissing ]
Hey, what's going on?
Ever tried it under the shower before?
[ laughing ]
You know, Carol...
this is an experience I'm never gonna forget.
Carol: You won't. - Shh!
How do you want it? Hot or cold?
Want what?
The shower.
Come on! How'd you have it last time?
How's lukewarm grab ya?
Kids...
[ shower running ]
Goddamn it!
What's the matter?
I can't undo the fastener on my bra.
Do you want me to help?
( giggles ) Oh, no. No.
It's okay.
Hurry up, sex machine.
I'm wet all over.
(whispering) Thank you, god.
You know, Carol, this is the best birthday I've ever had.
April 1st is your birthday?
( whispering) Go on!
That's right.
Are you ready?
Just about.
Here's Marty!
April fool!
Where's the beef? Where's the beef?
April fool!
Where's the beef? Where's the beef?
April fool!
Girl: Smile! You're on Candid Camera!
[ electricity crackling ]
Aah!
[ Jamaican accent ] Hey, coach!
They be foolin' about in the girls' locker room.
Yeah, so what else is new?
Man, they got a lot of guys in there with 'em.
Uh, guys? Yeah!
Boys?!
Uhh!
[ song continues ]
Aah!
Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh!
Aah!
[ muffled yelling ]
Uhh!
[ jeering ]
Yeah!
[ muffled yelling ]
[ coughing ]
[ jeering ]
What the hell is going on here?
Uh, just having a little fun, coach.
[ muttering ] A little fun?
Which one of you heroes thought that this was gonna be fun?
Boy: Uh...
We kinda decided together.
Oh, a team decision?
Hey, what have we here?
Come here.
It's the joker.
And team captain Skippy Pollack.
Well, you can tell the rest of the team that you've just been drafted.
I want everybody in the gym, 3:45, suited up, ready to go.
And we're gonna find out what fun really is.
By the way, Rantzen...
what are you doing in the girls' locker room in a state of undress?
Uh, I kinda got lost, Coach.
Yeah, well, you better get lost right now.
Come on.
3:45 in the gym.
[ exhales ]
And that goes for you, too, Stella.
That stupid dork Marty!
It's all his fuckin' fault!
Aah! Aah!
All right! All right!
Cut the trained monkey act.
Come on, line up!
I want a line-up right here.
Come on.
Shape up. Come on!
So this is the gang, huh?
How long has this motley crew been in existence, huh?
Can anybody tell me?
Come on, come on!
What do you have to do to become a member of this elite hit squad?
Be tough?
Are you tough, Frank?
- No, coach. - No, coach.
Am I tough?
- Yep. - Yes?
Yes, coach.
Yes, coach. Good.
[ chuckles ]
The joker.
Make me laugh.
Make me laugh, Skip.
Come on, make us all laugh.
Huh?
[ laughs ]
[ girls giggle ]
Or maybe you, uh, just have to be pretty.
Huh?
Or stupid?
And where the hell are Harrison and Putney?
Hey, lay off, guys!
Hey, Marty.
We just wanted to say--
well, what I mean is--
We're sorry about what happened back there.
We were just messin' around.
You know how it is.
Yeah, things kinda got out of hand.
Yeah, well next time I'm about to score, cool it, will ya?
I mean, Carol really has the hots for me, you know?
- She does? - Sure she does!
She lives just down the block from you, doesn't she?
So you'll get another chance.
Anyway, just to show you there's no hard feelings--
try this joint.
It's really good stuff, man.
Yeah, I rolled the joint with my own bare hands.
Listen, we've gotta get back to detention for being bad boys.
Guess you'll be staying late in chemistry again tonight, huh?
Yeah, I have to go make up some 2,4,6 trinitrotolurene.
[ chuckles ] Good luck, man.
Be seeing you.
Bye.
[ laughs ]
[ both chuckling ]
Just wait until he tries that dope.
[ music ]
Coach: All right, keep your butts down,
your backs straight.
Let's see some movement!
Come on!
Two, one, two, one, two, one--
Oh, that's very good, Joey!
And then after that, we gonna learn 3, 4, 5, and 6!
Congratulations, Skippy.
You're almost making me laugh.
Ha ha ha.
Oh, very nice.
Keep trying, sweetheart.
Come on! Come on! Who told ya to stop?
Let's see something here.
Stop daydreaming, you sex fiends.
Harrison! Putney!
Where the hell have you guys been?
Um, sorry we're late, coach.
I, uh,
guess we must've forgot the time.
Yeah, well, get down there and give me 20.
20?! 40!
Which arm?
Your right one, wise guy.
You're now on 60.
You wanna try for 120?
[ music ]
[ pop ]
[ music continues ]
[ liquid bubbling ]
[ coughing ]
Hey, coach!
Somebody threw a brick through the window.
I could have been scarred for life.
Will you cut out the dramatics.
Go find out who did this.
Yes, sir. Right away, coach.
Coach: Come on, get a move on, Pollack.
Hey, come on, the rest of you.
What is this, National Sit on Your Duff Week?
[ Marty gagging ]
[ laughs ]
[ music ]
[ gas hissing ]
[ fizzing ]
Keep your elbows into your sides, Cheryl.
That's it. Breathe out as you curl up.
Now breathe in as you let it down.
Keep it in--don't move the elbows.
Keep 'em in--Pollack!
Yeah?
Don't "yeah" me.
Yeah, coach.
Did you catch the guy that did it?
Oh. By the time I got there, I was so tired, coach, I lost him.
Sorry.
That is pat--pathetic, Pollack.
[ music ] [ liquid boiling ]
[ music ]
[ whimpering ]
Aah!
[ explosion ]
[ fire alarm ringing ]
Aah!
I'm sorry, Marty.
We didn't mean to.
Aah!
[ panting ]
Ah... Oh...
[ sighs ]
[ telephone rings ]
Hello?
Is that you, Carol?
Hi, Manny.
What do you want now?
Carol, baby, I just called you to say good morning,
and, uh, have a good day, you know.
Yeah, well, you have a good day, too.
Now, what do you want?
You know what I want.
Are you gonna do this picture or not?
I've got to know because the guy wants an answer this afternoon.
I'm not doing it.
You're not?
Tell me why the hell not.
What about my percentage?
Look, Manny,
the guy's weird,
the story's weird, and...
And what?
And you're weird.
Listen to me.
You take your clothes off
for the photographers every day of the week.
What's the difference?
The difference is, that guy should be locked up.
He has been.
Now, listen, kid, it's a big break for you.
Break?
Do me a favor--
don't give me any more breaks like this one.
Hey, baby, be nice to me.
Who's a pretty boy, then?
Who's a pretty what?
Who's a pretty boy?
Hey, I take it all back.
You'll go far in this business.
I was talkin' to the dog, Manny.
I'm not doing that picture.
Do you know how many big names started off this way?
I can tell ya--hundreds.
Thousands, already.
I said forget it, Manny.
You know what?
I'd rather go to my crummy class reunion than do that picture.
And that's final.
Why, you ungrateful...
bitch.
[ creaking ]
[ music ]
[ shower running ]
Ta-dum!
Hey, don't do that.
You almost frightened me to death.
Where have you been all night?
With Ricky.
Yeah? I was worried about you.
Guess what.
What?
We're engaged!
Oh, wow! Oh, that's fantastic.
Is that the ring?
Oh, God, it's so beautiful.
I've got to meet Ricky's parents tonight.
I thought you were gonna make it to the reunion.
Damn, I forgot all about it.
But, hey, listen, they're only in town for a couple of hours.
I'll get away early.
We'll see.
No, I'll make it.
Whatever, maybe a little late, but I'll make it.
Okay?
Okay.
It should be fun.
Besides, what have we got to lose?
[ music ]
♪ Heh heh heh heh ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ha ♪
♪ Strut your stuff and meet your doom ♪
♪ Toughest gang in all the school ♪
♪ Today's the day you're gonna pay ♪
♪ I'll show you I ain't no fool ♪
♪ Heh heh heh heh ♪
♪ I'm gonna get you ♪
[ honks horn ] [ laughing ]
♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪
♪ I don't enjoy your dirty tricks ♪
[ car backfires ]
♪ Made you laugh and made me sick ♪
♪ Today's the day you're gonna pay ♪
♪ I don't know, take your pick ♪
[ turns radio on ]
Announcer: Ray O'Neil, Radio Doddsville.
Radio Doddsville, all right.
Doddsville High, here I come.
Announcer: First the bad news--
local weather conditions are going to be changeable.
So it seems like it's going to be a cold and wet vacation weekend.
There may be some sleet and thunderstorms.
Oh, shit.
The good news--Radio Doddsville will be with you all the way.
And April Fools' Day is on its way, too,
so here's your favorite-- Barry Manilow.
Barry fucking Manilow?
You gotta be kidding me.
[ turns off radio ]
[ engine revs ]
Taxi, lady?
- Skip! - Ha ha ha.
It's great to see you.
Oh, hey, easy, baby,
I got my image to think about.
Your image? In this crate?
But I'm glad you came by.
I thought I was gonna have to walk
all the way from the 7-Eleven back there.
Well, you're lucky I decided to take the scenic route.
Yeah, silly me decides to hitch it.
You know, see America the Beautiful.
So this thing gonna get us there?
Don't you worry.
Old Skip and his faithful warhorse will get you there without a hitch.
[ engine cranks ]
Oh, shit.
Where'd you get this old jalopy, anyway?
Do not insult Doris.
She's very sensitive.
[ laughing ]
I guess the rubber band finally broke.
[ laughing ]
[ car horn honking ]
Oh, shit.
Fuck you, asshole!
Why don't you get this heap of shit off the road?
[ laughing ]
Joey!
Great to see you, man.
How you doin', Joe?
Put her there, pal.
Ow, ow!
Yes.
Stella!
So you finally went and made
an honest woman of her, huh, Bonecrusher?
Yeah, you gotta call me Mrs. Bonecrusher these days.
Stella: Was that Carol?
Joey: Who else?
Miss "most likely to succeed" has finally made it.
Looks like you got a problem here, old buddy.
Yeah. Think you can fix it?
No sweat.
[ music ]
That one's on me, Hanson!
[ laughing ]
[ horn honking ]
Skip: Carol!
It's great to see you! Kiss me! Kiss me!
Ohh!
Carl!
Where you been keepin' yourself?
Law school. What you been up to?
Ah, you know, this and that.
[ music ]
Skip: Hey, but, uh, shouldn't we be inside?
Class is about to begin.
The door's locked.
It can't be.
We got the right date.
Try for yourself.
Are we the only ones?
Carl: Looks that way.
Can't see shit inside.
This place is the pits, man.
Yeah. Nothing changes.
[ laughing ]
[ motorcycle engine revving ]
[ sighs ]
For Christ sakes, Frank, what are you trying to do, kill us?
Oh, man, that bike has got to go.
You're past it, Frank.
Carl: Over the hill.
Over the hill, bullshit.
Ohh, Frank, are you okay?
Sure, Stella.
How you been keepin', big boy?
Hey--whoa there.
Let me breathe.
Who's got the beers?
Carol: Same old Frankie.
[ laughing ]
Where the hell is everybody?
This someone's idea of a cute joke?
Hey, don't look at me.
I don't know who sent out the invitations.
Stella: Well, is anybody else comin'?
It's not gonna be much of a party.
I vote we go back to town and swap a few stories.
No way, man.
I'm going inside.
Who's comin' with me?
Hey, I will.
Joe!
I am freezin' my butt off!
Won't be long, honey, okay?
Come on, Joe, we'll go around the back way.
We'll find a way in.
It's a waste of time.
Carol... lighten up.
It'll be fun.
Oh, sure...
[ laughing ]
[ footsteps ] [ music ]
Joe: Look at that window over there.
Skip: Yeah.
Aw, shit!
What?
Dog shit.
[ laughing ]
[ scraping shoe on ground ]
Shut up.
Hey, Skip, did you hear something?
Where?
Over there in the bushes.
Oh, it was nothing. Come on.
I'm sure I heard something.
Give me a boost.
Get your foot in here, man, come on.
Ready?
1... 2... 3.
Up.
Yeah, okay.
Try that top window.
[ belches ]
Cheer up, girls.
There's some extra beer left.
Do me a favor, Ted.
I'm gonna go back to town and call Susan.
I'll join you, darlin'.
[ glass breaks ]
Sounds like they got in.
Carol: They'll never get in.
The whole place is locked up.
[ thunder ]
Shit.
Looks like rain.
[ thunder ]
[ chuckling ]
[ thunder ]
Joe?
Are you in there?
Aah!
[ laughing ]
You jerk!
Who'd you think I was?
Jason?
April Fools'.
Carol: April Fools' doesn't start until midnight, smartass.
Frankie: Hey, someone's been fuckin' around in here.
Stella: It looks like we've been set up.
Carol: It's Skip's weird idea of a joke.
Come on, you guys.
I had nothin' to do with it.
Cobwebs.
You gotta be kidding.
You're sick, man.
Oh, for Christ sakes.
Okay, I did it.
I set this whole thing up just to waste your time.
Satisfied?
Come on, I'm leaving.
I'm with you, Carol.
Yeah, this place gives me the creeps.
[ thunder ]
[ laughing ]
Let's go find our old classrooms.
Should be fun.
Yeah, there's a good idea.
We'll wait for the storm to go by.
Frank: Oh, what the hell.
Carl: Yeah, why not.
Jesus, looks like Halloween.
Hey, Skip, this is really great.
Yeah, you should be shot and put away.
I'm only stayin' five minutes.
[ thunder ]
[ music ]
[ sighs ]
Stella: Aah!
Holy shit.
[ laughing ]
Whoo...
hoo hoo ha ha ha!
Ooh!
Ha ha ha.
Stella: Somebody turn the lights on.
Joe: Holy shit.
This is weird.
Reminds me of prom night, doesn't it, Joe?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Just before I passed out.
It's spooky.
Hey, we got food and drink and everything.
Must have set you back a fortune, Skip.
Yeah, well, you know, I do try.
Ohh! Aww.
Come on, you guys, let's party!
Hey, aren't those our lockers?
Somebody must've moved them in here.
Hey, there's my name scratched on it.
I got my ass kicked for that.
Look, my gloves.
I'd lost them on prom night.
Frank: That's not the only thing she lost.
[ laughing ]
My calculator.
That went missing, too.
Frank: And you only just noticed it?
What the hell are these doing here?
They yours?
They were.
Whoo! Still smell the same.
There ya go, Skip. Oh, man.
You were always borrowing them from me, anyway.
This time you can keep 'em.
[ music ]
Are you sure you didn't have anything to do with this?
This your idea of a joke?
I did it all, Carol.
Hey, isn't that Marty's locker?
Marty...
[ music ]
Joe: You think we should take a look inside?
You want to?
No way.
I'll do it.
[ music sting ] Aah!
Now, look, I had nothing to do with that.
[ music ]
Marty's yearbook.
Oh, God.
Open it.
Guess the little sucker never got it.
Oh...
[ chuckling ]
[ all talking ]
He never collected that prize, did he.
Skip: No.
They took him straight to the hospital.
He had six months of plastic surgery.
- Did he recover? - No.
Not all the skin grafts took.
When they'd finished with him, he still looked a real mess.
Not that it mattered much anyhow, the doctors said he'd never be fit
for human company again.
His mind went... Berserk.
He flipped out real bad.
No shit?
Yeah. Don't you realize that we...
we turned him from a nice little guy into a crazed lunatic, and you know what?
They say he still roams the nuthouse,
ever hopeful of that chance to escape.
Escape back to his old school
so he can take his evil revenge out on us all.
Aah!
[ laughing ]
You're really not that funny at all, birdbrain.
Come on, relax.
Last I heard of Marty he'd, uh, joined IBM.
He's forgotten about us, believe me.
Okay, but just stop foolin' around, huh?
You're gettin' to be a pain in the ass.
Joe: Yeah.
All right, all right.
Hey, look, I don't know about you guys, but I'm drinkin' some beer.
Sounds all right to me.
[ all talking ]
Anyone?
[ laughter echoing ]
[ music ]
[ bells jingling ]
[ thunder ]
Good shit, man.
[ snorts ]
[ sniffs ]
You want a toot?
Hey, that stuff costs.
Yeah, but it's better than grass.
[ sniffs ]
[ clock chimes ]
Jesus, 11:30.
Time flies when you're high, man.
[ music sting ]
Skip, I want to go pee.
So?
- So, it's creepy out there. - [ sighs ]
I want someone to go with me.
Don't look at me. Remember?
No boys in the girls' locker room.
I'll go with you.
And watch out for the boogeyman, girls.
[ music ]
[ thunder ]
Oh, I'm about ready to explode! Ha ha!
[ yelling and screaming ]
[ laughing ]
You bastards! I wet myself!
You morons!
When the hell are you gonna grow up?
[ laughing ]
Hey, dry off fast, girls.
...what's-her-name.
Aah! Aah!
What the hell you kids think you're doin'?
Don't you know you're trespassin'?
Hey, man, don't do that.
You nearly gave me a coronary.
It's old Digby.
You used to be the janitor here.
Uh-uh. I am the caretaker now.
What's the difference?
Well, the caretaker's a man who takes care of the place.
Janitor, he, uh...
Janits it, uh.
Digby: Now, don't you get smart with me, boy.
Hey, son, don't I know you from somewhere?
Yeah, sure. You remember me. Skip Pollack.
Pollack? Can't say I do.
But what you kids doing here, anyway?
This place has been closed now for nearly five years.
Five years...
Pollack... Hey, I remember you.
Yeah.
Boy, you was a pain in the ass.
Oh, ho ho ho, and I thought I was one hell of a guy.
Well, you ain't changed much.
By the way, they're knockin' down this old place here next month.
So if you want to have a last look around, that's all right by me.
But just you don't go and start no fires.
Okay, man, relax.
Hey, have a beer.
Ooh... Enjoy yourself.
Thank you, thank you.
Well, I guess an old caretaker's gotta take care of himself, too.
- Good night. - Okay, boys.
Good night.
Ah, yes,
I'll be headin' out before midnight.
Yes, sir, oh, yes.
Huh. Damn kids.
Heh heh.
[ humming ]
[ music ]
[ roar ]
Hey, I thought I told you kids I don't want no trouble.
[ bottle clinks ]
Uhh! Agghh!
[ music ]
[ music playing ]
[ chatter and laughter ]
Hey, Skip.
Want to earn 10 bucks?
Nance, you can have me for free.
See this quarter?
All you gotta do is drop it off your head into this funnel.
Twice.
You gotta be kidding.
It's not as easy as it looks.
It'll be a cinch.
[ music ]
Heh heh huh heh.
[ laughing ]
Now lean back real far and close your eyes.
That's it.
Now, when I say go, you lean forward slowly
and drop it right in the funnel.
Okay.
Go.
[ music ]
Yes! 10 bucks!
You ain't got nothin' down there, Skip. How could you miss?
You gotta do it twice, dummy.
All right, all right. Give me the quarter.
Go!
Aah!
[ laughing ]
Little boy wet his pants.
It's after midnight.
What are you talkin' about?
It's April Fools' Day.
Why, can't you take a joke, Skippy?
Yeah, I can take a joke.
[ chattering ]
Gimme a beer.
Hey, Ted.
Show us how you sink a beer.
I'll show ya.
You're past it, Frank.
Let Ted do it.
[ laughing ]
Ah, Ted's full of shit.
Thatta boy.
[ laughing ]
Okay.
All: 5... 4...
3... 2...
1!
[ laughing ]
You ought to try it with a bottle of this!
[ sound distorted ]
[ music ]
Carol: Are you okay?
I feel sick.
[ groaning ]
Aah!
Oh, man!
Aah!
[ music ]
Frank, I can't get this door open! [ thunder ]
Try the window!
[ gasps ]
Ohh!
Skip: Is she all right?
She'll be okay.
What's happened to Shirley?
She's still up there.
Want to go for her?
You ain't gonna get me back up there. No way!
Right, well, we stick together.
There's gotta be a way out.
Shit!
[ thunder ]
[ door slams ]
The whole Goddamn place is locked tight.
Well, one of us has gotta do something.
Just hold your water.
Let me try it.
[ thunder ]
[ water dripping ]
Keep going, Carl! Kick it, man!
Come on--hey, be careful!
Who's got the fastest car?
Carol does.
Give me the keys.
Here. She always starts first time.
- Just get in and drive like hell. - [ exhales ]
[ engine won't start ]
[ footsteps ]
[ engine won't start ]
What the hell is he doing?
Carol: I can't see.
I thought you said she started every time.
Every time except now.
[ engine won't start ]
[ music sting ]
Unh!
[ gasps for air ]
[ engine starts ] He's done it!
What the hell's he doing?!
He's turning around!
Get back!
Go for help!
[ music sting ]
No! Ohh!
No! Ohh...
[ music ]
[ screams ]
- [ screaming ] - Come on, let's go.
I'll stay with Nancy.
[ music ]
Carol: Ohh!
Oh, my God!
Marty's come back.
That's crazy.
What happened to Marty was an accident.
It wasn't our fault.
Of course it was.
And Marty knows it!
I'm scared, Frank!
It's all right, baby.
I'm here.
[ thunder ]
Susan!
Susan, go back!
[ banging on window ]
[ thunder ]
[ music ]
Skip?
Frank?
Hey, you guys, stop fooling around. This isn't funny.
[ door creaking ]
[ thunder ]
[ door closes ]
[ music ]
Hello?
[ creaking ]
Is anybody there?
[ creaking louder ]
Skip!
Frank?
[ music sting ]
Marty?
Marty Rantzen?
Aah!
Shirley's dead.
Dead?!
You don't wanna see it.
[ thunder ] Oh, Christ.
I saw Susan.
Susan?!
Susan? She's out there.
Isn't that her car?
Well, if Susan's out there, then...
then so is he.
What are we gonna do, Frank?
What the fuck are we gonna do?
Joe said he saw a tractor--
when you came in.
I've got an idea.
A tractor?
There it is.
Do you think it'll bust through these doors?
There's only one way to find out.
You're never gonna bust out of here in this piece of shit.
You gotta be kiddin' me.
You got any better ideas?
No.
Then button it.
Think you can start it, Joe?
If the engine ain't seized up, you got a chance.
Hey, oil.
Good stuff.
[ sniffs ] And gas--
about a half a gallon.
Well, how far is that gonna get us?
10, 12 miles.
Unless you wanna cut grass.
Never you mind how far.
You just open those doors and everybody will look after their own ass, all right?
Anything we can do?
No. Just let me, uh, do what I know best.
So why don't you take care of Stella and the girls, huh?
Okay. Uh, how long you gonna be?
Maybe an hour...
maybe more.
I'll call when I'm finished.
Call? You do more than call, Joe.
You holler loud and clear. You understand me?
Loud-a and-a clear-a!
[ grunts ]
[ thunder ]
Stella: Frank?
I wish things could have turned out different.
How do you mean?
Oh...
[ thunder ]
With Joe and me.
I don't follow.
Sometimes I just wish it would have been you and me.
Come on, Stella.
Joe's a good guy.
Oh, sure, Joe's good.
[ kiss ] [ whispers ]
Oh, he takes care of me, but only after he's taken care
of his goddamn truck.
It wouldn't be right, not with you and--and the kid and all that.
It could have just as easily been a little Frank.
I don't get you.
You're his father, Frank.
[ thunder ]
What?
You can't have forgotten--
summer of '80?
June 23?
2:30?
Oh, yes--sure.
Why didn't you tell me?
I tried, Frank, I tried, but you weren't around.
And then Joe came along, and it seemed so much easier--
Jeez.
I want to go to bed with you, Frank.
Now?
What about Joe?
Joe? Joe's busy.
He's still fixing his Goddamn machines.
That's not what I meant.
Oh, come on, baby. We've got time.
Well, say Joe came back.
Joe won't come back.
[ thunder ]
It's okay.
[ sighs ]
What do you think I got to offer you?
I ain't no hero no more.
Mm...
Frank...
[ water running, tools clanking ]
[ music ]
I'm in the homestretch.
Hey, uh, pass me the wrench, will you, Frank?
Thanks.
[ sighs ] [ flesh rips ]
Aw, shit.
Don't--don't-- don't mess with that.
Don't--
[ buzz ] [ clank ]
[ panting ]
What the fuck you think you're doing, Frank?!
Get this thing off me!
[ click ] [ engine revs ]
Crazy son of a bitch!
Get this fucking thing off me!
No.
No, no, no--
[ screaming ]
Oh, this never happened to me before.
I thought this cincy shit's supposed to get you real hot.
[ giggles ]
- Hey, Frank. - [ exhales ]
The Surgeon General's right.
This stuff does damage your health.
Ha ha ha! Lay off, will ya?
Oh, ease up, Frank. You're supposed to enjoy it.
Say...
you ain't turned gay on us, have you?
[ thunder ]
Come here.
[ giggles ]
[ thunder ]
[ music ]
[ gasps ]
Where's Frank and Stella?
While the cat's away...
[ thunder ]
[ creaking ]
They can't be. At a time like this?
What about Joe?
He's fixing the tractor.
[ heavy breathing ] [ clicking ]
Stella: Come on, don't stop now.
Frank: Ohh, I can't.
I can't.
Ohh, talk dirty, Frank.
- Oh, fuck. - Talk dirty.
Um, tits.
Dirty dirty!
Um... Fuck.
Uh, tits, screw,
aw, shit.
[ thunder ]
- Should get my leathers on. - Don't stop now, Frank.
Don't stop now.
[ moaning ] Ohh, don't stop.
Ohh, Frank, Frank!
- Ohh! - Oh, I'm coming!
[ both scream ]
[ buzzing ] [ both screaming ]
[ thunder ]
Jesus Christ.
Stella must have really needed that.
[ buzz ]
Has anybody checked Joe?
- Mm-mmm. - No.
[ buzzing ]
[ music ]
[ thunder ]
[ screams ]
[ thunder ]
Joe's dead.
Get upstairs quick.
Let's stick together.
[ Nancy sobs ]
[ thunder ]
Aah! No!
Oh, my God.
[ screaming and sobbing ]
[ door slams ]
You bastard!
You filthy, stinking bastard, Marty!
What do you want from us?!
[ thunder ]
Come out and show yourself, you little prick!
You hear me, Marty? Come out and show yourself.
I'll get you for this, Rantzen.
You fucking little asshole, I'll get you for this!
Come out, you ugly son of a bitch!
You hear me? Come out!
[ bells jingle ]
[ thunder ]
What do we do now?
We wait.
Wait? What for?
Marty's gotta show himself sooner or later.
All we do is put our backs to the wall and wait for him.
[ sobbing ]
Shh.
Nancy, listen. It's dawn.
April Fools' Day ends at noon.
Marty won't hurt us after midday. I'm sure of it.
Oh, you're sure.
Oh, that's great.
If it hadn't been for you and your stupid jokes,
we wouldn't be here.
Cool it, Nancy. It's not Skip's fault.
If you hadn't taken Marty into the showers,
none of this would have happened.
It's you two he's after, nobody else.
Stella, Frank, Joe--
none of them should have died.
It should have been you two.
You both should be dead!
Hey, come on.
We'll get out of here. We will!
I'm sorry.
Shh.
All we have to do is stay awake.
It'll be a cinch.
[ music ]
[ jingle ]
[ music sting ]
[ jingles ]
Unh.
[ gasps and sighs ]
Where's Skip?
I don't know.
I fell asleep.
I'm gonna look for him.
No! It's safer here.
[ sighs ]
It's past 11:00.
So?
April Fools' ends at noon.
If we can last out one more hour, we're safe.
I don't know.
Marty's stuck to the rules so far.
We gotta find Skip. Are you gonna come?
You're not getting me out there. No way.
Suit yourself.
Hey!
Wait for me!
[ whimpers ] No... No!
[ jingles ]
[ door closes ]
[ music ]
[ rope creaking ]
I don't understand it!
[ jingles ]
They've gone.
I never meant to hurt Marty.
Please, let me go home.
Please? Shh.
Let me go home!
Shut up!
We gotta find Skip, then we can go home.
Promise?
I promise.
[ jingles ]
[ footsteps ]
[ creak ]
[ muted whimpering and grunting ]
Careful, now.
[ whimpering and grunting louder ]
[ gagging and coughing ]
Video: Who's got your head now?
Marty's yearbook.
Coach on video: What the hell's going on here?
Uh, just having a little fun.
My picture. [ music ]
He's gonna get me next!
Nancy? Nancy!
Nancy, come back!
Don't be stupid, Nancy!
[ gasping ]
[ birds chirping ]
No!
[ squish ]
[ splashing ]
No! No!
[ panting and grunting ]
[ sizzles ]
Susan: No!
[ sizzling ]
No! Please, no!
Oh, no!
Please, no!
[ sobbing ]
Ohh!
No!
[ squish ]
[ raspy breathing ]
[ creak ]
[ music ] [ screams ]
[ music ]
[ bubbling ]
[ flushes ]
Oh! [ gasps ]
Aah!
No!
[ squeak ]
[ tap ]
[ music sting ] Aah!
Ohh!
[ jingle ]
[ pop ] [ gasps ]
[ grunting ]
Ohh.
[ glass popping and shattering ]
[ grunting and whimpering ]
[ labored breathing ] [ music ]
[ music sting ]
Too late!
[ labored breathing ]
[ creaking ]
[ labored breathing ]
[ bels jingle ]
[ labored breathing ]
Aah!
[ labored breathing ]
Aah!
Oh, God!
[ crying ]
[ labored breathing ] No!
No! Oh!
[ grunts ]
[ panting ]
[ jingling ]
[ screams ]
Skip!
[ crying ]
Aah!! [ labored breathing ]
Aah!
[ music ]
[ jingle ]
Aah! Aah!
[ labored breathing ]
[ grunts ]
- [ gasps ] - Ha ha ha!
Ah!
[ laughs ] [ jingles ]
Marty!
Ha ha ha!
How do you want it?
Please, not now!
Yes. No!
Here I go. No!
Ha ha ha!
Marty, no! Please, God--
No!
[ laughing ]
[ water running ]
Ha ha ha! I showed ya!
April Fool!
April fucking fool, you motherfuckers!
I showed ya-- me, Marty Rantzen!
Ha ha ha!
[ whistle and jingle ]
Ghostly voices: Marty!
Voices: Marty!
[ sepulchral voices ] Marty...
Look at me, Marty.
Can't you take a joke, Marty?
Smoke this, Marty.
[ both laugh ]
[ kiss ] Hot or cold, Marty?
Remember me, wuss?
Women's voices: Show us your stuff, Marty.
All: April Fool!
[ thunder ]
All: Aah!
Aah!
[ labored breathing ]
Relax, Marty.
[ breathing hard ]
The plastic surgeons have done a great job.
You'll be able to take off the bandages in a couple of weeks.
[ alarm ]
Marty: I'll get even!
I'll get even! You see if I don't!
[ beeping stops ]
[ Marty screaming ]
Nurse?
Is everything okay?
Aah!
Go, get 'em off!
I'll get even!
Demonic voice: I'll get even! You see if I don't!
I'll... Get...
you!
Aah!
[ music ]
[ clatter ]
[ flesh ripping ]
[ laughing ]
♪ ha ha ha ha ♪
♪ Strut your stuff and think you're cool ♪
♪ Toughest gang in all the school ♪
♪ Today's the day you're gonna pay ♪
♪ I'll show you I ain't no fool ♪
♪ Ha ha ha! ♪
♪ I'm gonna get you ♪
♪ Ha ha ha! ♪
♪ April Fools' day! ♪
♪ Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! ♪
♪ I don't enjoy your dirty tricks ♪
♪ They make you laugh and make me sick! ♪
♪ Today's the day you're gonna pay ♪
♪ Hot or cold, take your pick ♪
♪ Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! ♪
♪ I'm gonna get you ♪
♪ Ha! I'm gonna get you ♪
♪ I'm gonna get you! ♪
♪ Ha ha! April Fools' Day! ♪
♪ Ha ha ha! ♪